Email from Ruth Ann Moorehouse
I have just been to your website and read the page about me. I
wanted to write and express my feelings on this matter. I would also
like for you to publish this letter on your website as a sort of “my
story” type of thing. I realize it is your website and you are free
to publish whatever you want. I also would like to thank you for not
releasing any information that you have about me.
I have been living a quiet life for the past 30 years. I have been
blessed well beyond what I have deserved. I have a great husband who
I adore, a job I love, and sons who are my whole being. But there
have been many tragedies along the way. I am not trying to make
anyone feel sorry for me, I am merely trying to “set the stage” for
what has become of my life.
I received my first email from Bill back in July. I admit that it
hit me out of the blue. I had seen his website and had also seen him
interviewed on television. I didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t
talked about those years of my life for a long, long time. Indeed,
my own children don’t know my history. I have been up front with them
about the drug use and basically told them I lived in a “commune”.
They have no idea I was with Manson.
I tried to explain to Bill my reluctance to “speak out” because it
had been so long. I have been living quietly with this for almost
thirty years. Old habits are hard to break. For a moment put
yourself in my shoes. Have you ever tried to explain to a plastic
surgeon why you have an ‘X’ on your forehead in the first place? I
have had all these feelings bottled up tight for many years. I have
been to professional counseling for years. I can’t talk to my
friends about it. Real friends will understand? Wrong! I know from
firsthand experience that is not the case. I have tried “opening up”
before and have had people (special people) walk out of my life
because of it. Welcome to my life.
I told Bill this story. I live in a VERY small town. One cold night, I
couldn’t sleep. I flipped on the TV and there happened to be a
Sharon Tate movie (DON’T MAKE WAVES) showing. I cried the rest of
the night. I think about it all the time. Not a day goes by when I
don’t think back wishing the whole thing was some awful dream. But
it wasn’t a dream. I know that. I can’t change it, although I would
if I could.
Barbara Hoyt. I think about her and wish that there was something I
could do to ease her pain. What I did was despicable. I am
ashamed. But again, I can’t take back something I did 30 years ago.
The reason I never apologized to Barbara through email to Bill is
quite simple. I can’t fully express my feelings in words. I feel it
is something that needs to be done face to face. At this time
however, Bill has told me that Barbara doesn’t want some type of
overly emotional reunion to be blasted all over the talk shows. I
feel the same way. Like I said, I think about Barbara on a daily
basis. What happened with her has kept me up nights for 30 years
thinking about what could have been a very tragic outcome. I am
After reading Bill’s website update about me, I felt compelled to
give my side of the story. Bill has been getting a bad rap on the
message boards and I probably shouldn’t have “popped off” the way I
did. As far as I know, he hasn’t spilled any information about me.
Basically, everything happened too fast for me. Much too fast. I
wanted to set the record straight and give insight into my decision
to do what I did.
OK Bill. What do you think? Can you publish that letter in full? I
picked up the ball in my court and have passed it to you.